*Rarity is stitching together a dress while singing "The Art of Dress". Door knocks and Rarity goes to answer. Mane Goodall is at the door.*
Mane Goodall: Yes, I'm from the Ponyville Vet and I understand that you have a dying animal on the premise.
Rarity: No, I believe that you have been misinformed, so if you'll excuse me, I'll be back to doing my work. *slams the door* The nerve of her to accuse me of hurting a defenseless animal. *goes back to her work, but the door knocks again; Rarity answers, but isn't looking at the guest* You've reached the boutique of an unrecognized talent.
Prince Blueblood: It seems to me that you have a dying animal to attend to, eh Rarity?
Rarity: *gasp* Prince Blueblood from Canterlot?!
Prince Blueblood: I see you still prefer this rundown backwater of a town.
Rarity: *sarcastically* I see you're just as lovely as ever.
Prince Blueblood: I just dropped by to inform you that I own a large and fancy band, and that we're supposed to play the Stallion Bowl next week.
Rarity: The sta-sta-sta
Prince Blueblood: That's right. I'm living the dreams of any unicorn, Rarity. The problem is, I'm far too busy to make it. I was hoping you and your band could cover for us.
Rarity: Ohh, uh, I
Prince Blueblood: It was obvious! You lack a band! Well, I'll just let you get back to your service for this pig sty.
Rarity: HOLD IT!! It just so happens that I don't just do service for Ponyville! I do have a band, and we're going to play that Stallion Bowl! How about that, fancy face?!
Prince Blueblood: Then I wish you luck next Tuesday. I do hope the audience brings lots of
Rarity: *shuts the door* I've got to drum up a band NOW! Heh, drum. *giggles* Band humor.
*In Ponyville, several citizens are reading off posters.*
Applejack: Looking to add fulfillment to your dull, dull life?
Trixie: Then become part of the greatest musical sensation to ever hit Ponyville.
Fluttershy: And be forever adored by thousands of ponies you don't know.
Twilight: Not to mention free refreshments.
Rainbow Dash: Practice begins tonight at 8:30 sharp.
Rarity: *looks at her watch while driving a cart dragging a wagon of instruments; Rarity is five minutes late* That inconsiderate music rental clerk made me late. That foolish foal didn't know a flute from a hoof. *giggles* More band humor.
All: *has an instrument and is waiting* Blah, blah, blah, blah!
Rarity: Settle down, everypony! OK, now. How many of you have played a musical instrument before? *few ponies like Lyra and Octavia raise their hooves*
Derpy: Does a muffin count?
Rarity: No, Ditzy, muffins are not instruments.
Sweetie Belle: Is mayonnaise an instrument?
Rarity: No, Sweetie Belle, mayonnaise is not an instrument. *Sweetie Belle raises her hoof again* Human's radish is not an instrument either. *Sweetie Belle lowers her hand* That's fine. No one has any experience. Fortunately, I have enough talent for all of you. *laughs*
Applebloom: When do we get the free food?
Rarity: Okay, try to repeat after me. *plays five notes on her clarinet* Brass section, go. *brass section, consisting of Scootaloo, Twilight, and Big Macintosh, repeats badly* Good. Now the woodwind. *wind section, consisting of Fluttershy, Sweetie Belle, and Cheerilee, repeats badly* And the drums. *drummers, consisting of Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Applebloom, misunderstand and blow on their sticks, which fires at Rarity (barely missed), who gets stuck to the wall* Pity that didn't finish me off.
Rarity: Let's try stepping in rhythm. Now I want everypony to stand in straight rows of five.
Pinkie Pie: Is this the part where we start kicking?
Rarity: No, Pinkie, that's a chorus line.
Rainbow Dash: Kicking?! I wanna do some kicking! *kicks Applejack*
Applejack: Ow! Why you
! Why I oughta
! *starts beating up Rainbow Dash, which drags outside; a long scream from Rainbow Dash is heard, then silent; everypony stares*
Rainbow Dash: *peeks in* Whoever is the owner of the fruit wagon, it's rolling down the hill. *Rainbow walks in with her neck in a trombone; as she sits, she makes a sound of the trombone*
Narrator: Day two. *band marches down the street while playing the Equestrian National Anthem badly*
Rarity: Okay, that's perfect everypony. Stallion Bowl, here we come. Flag twirlers, really spin those things. Okay, aaannnnd turn! Flag twirlers, let's go. I wanna see some spinning. Flag twirlers, let's move! Come on! Move!! *flag twirlers (Cherry Berry and Bon Bon) starts spinning flags really fast, but flies into the sky and crashes into a hot air balloon, which causes a huge explosion. Big Mac plays taps on trumpet while everypony mourns, except for Rarity, who lies down in a fetal position*
Narrator: Day three.
Rarity: Trixie, we're short on ponies and we need Pinkie as a lead trumpeter. Are you up to playing multiple instruments simultaneously?
Trixie: The Great and Powerful Trixie is capable of any feat! I shall demonstrate! *Trixie gathers several instruments; she starts playing them one-by-one, but runs out of breath and unsuccessfully plays the final note on a flute before collapsing*
Narrator: Day four.
Rarity: Well, this is our last night before the show. And I know that none of you improved since we began
*Derpy chews on a trumpet*
but I have a theory. Everypony talks loud when they want to act smart, right?
Rarity: So, if we play loud, everypony might think we're good. Everypony ready? And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three, four! *outside of Ponyville, several buildings can be seen collapsing from the loud, piercing note being played; Rarity's face is deformed and her conductor's baton breaks* Okay, new theory. Maybe we should play so quietly, no one can hear us.
Doctor Whooves: Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if some bureaucratic pony didn't play with old, wrinkly hooves!
Mayor: What did you say, punk?!
Doctor Whooves: OLD, WRINKLY HOOVES!!
Mayor: I may be old, but these hooves are young enough to do something other than paperwork!
Doctor Whooves: Bring it on, old mare! Bring it on!
Pinkie Pie: No, ponies. Let's be smart and bring it off.
Berry Punch: Oh, so now the talking cotton candy is going to preach us!
Rarity: Wait, wait! I know that tensions are high
*Everypony gets in a fight immediately. Caramel and Big Mac yell at each other until the Cutie Mark Crusaders slam a drum on him.* There's a deposit on the equipment, everypony! *The Mayor and Doctor Whooves charge at each other with clarinets, then tries to screech to a halt, but are both slammed by Granny Smith with her cymbals.* Settle down, everypony! *Applejack and Zecora fight with drumsticks and a xylophone, respectively. Applejack breaks Zecora's xylophone, which causes her to run away. Rainbow Dash kicks Applejack, who gets angry and chases her with a French horn. Soon, the clock sounds at 10 and everypony stops fighting.*
Mr. Cake: Hey, class is over! *everypony walks to the door where Rarity slams them open*
Rarity: Well, you did it. You took my once chance of happiness and crushed it. Crushed it into tiny, bite-size pieces. I really had expected better of you ponies. I guess I'm a loser for that, too. Don't bother showing up tomorrow. I'll just tell them you all died in a marching accident. So thanks! Thanks for nothing! *leaves*
Derpy: You're welcome.
Pinkie Pie: What kind of monsters are we? That poor creature came to us in her hour of need, and we failed her. Rarity's always been there for us when it was convenient for her. Derpy! When your little Dinky was trapped in a fire, who rescued her?
Derpy: A firepony.
Pinkie Pie: And Twilight! When your heart almost gave out from all those books that were shredded, who revived you?
Twilight: A doctor.
Pinkie Pie: Right. So if we can all just pretend that Rarity was a firepony, or a doctor in an ambulance, then I'm sure that we can all pull together and discover what it truly means to be in a marching band.
Doctor Whooves: Yeah! For the firepony!
Twilight: *to Applejack* What does that have to do with anything?
Applejack: Beats me.
Pinkie Pie: Now let's make Rarity proud! A one! A two! A skiddley-diddley-doo!
Rarity: *at the Stallion Bowl* I knew this was going to happen. They're just going to have to find another band to play. I just hope that
*sees Prince Blueblood*
PRINCE BLUEBLOOD DOESN'T FIND OUT! PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!! AH!! What are you doing here?!
Prince Blueblood: *laughs* I just wanted to watch you fail. So, where's your band?
Rarity: Um, they couldn't come. They
Prince Blueblood: Then who's that?
Rarity: AH! THAT WOULD BE MY BAND!
Pinkie Pie: We're ready to perform, Rarity!
Prince Blueblood: Well, Rarity, this is exactly how I pictured your band would look. *Pinkie dances*
Rarity: That's her
eager face. *Prince Blueblood laughs; they all go onto the stand, where they are transported away by magic*
Football Announcer: Okay, football fans. Put your hands together for the Equestrian Super Band! *all the humans in the stand cheers*
Derpy: These are some ugly looking ponies.
Rainbow Dash: Maybe we're in one of those Canterlot laboratories. *Lyra is waving to the audience enthusiastically*
Applejack: Ah think ah'm gonna be sick.
Rarity: *nervously* Okay, everypony. *glances at Prince Blueblood, who grins smugly* Let's get this over with. One, two, three, four
*brass, consisting of the Big Mac, Granny Smith, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Zecora, Doctor Whooves, Berry Punch, Caramel, Spike, Mayor, Cranky, Matilda, Golden Harvest, Derpy, and Dinky, plays wonderful intro; Rarity opens her eyes. Trixie plays the piano and the brass opens up to show Pinkie, who begins to sing*
Pinkie Pie: ♪The winner takes all. It's the thrill of one more kill. The last one to fall
*Rarity looks in shock*
will never sacrifice their will! *Rainbow Dash plays the drums* Don't ever look back on the world closing in! Be on the attack with your wings on the wind! Oh, the games will begin! *Prince Blueblood stares in shock, Rarity gives him a smug grin and throws her baton away to uses her hooves to conduct; shows Applejack rocking on the electric guitar and Twilight rocking on the bass guitar* And it's sweeeeeeet, sweeeeeet, sweet victory
yeah! And it's all for the taking! It's all for the fight! And it's sweeeeeet, sweeeeeet, sweet victory, yeah! *Prince Blueblood gets a heart attack and faints; he's carried out by Nurse Redheart and Mane Goodall; Rarity smugly waves goodbye and continues to rock with the band; Fluttershy and Cheerilee powerslide together and passionately plays a note on their guitars* And the one who's last to fall! *Rarity does some dance moves and jumps in the air* Sweeeeeeeet, sweeeeet, sweet victory